From Walter's Diary:-
"In the 1820s, a Highland Games in Inverarry included a sporting event called ‘twisting the legs off a cow’. Only one man managed to twist all four legs off, taking over an hour to do so. Information is not available to tell us whether the cow was alive or death."
Sunday, 31 May 2009
Poem
Walter’s Poem for Lomay
When I am trying to wee,
And she is cleaning her teeth,
She turns on a tap for me,
To help me go, more easily.
When I am trying to wee,
And she is cleaning her teeth,
She turns on a tap for me,
To help me go, more easily.
On the Road to Shangri-La
By the side of the road on the way to Shangri-La sits the Temple of the Stone God. The story goes that when the road was being built in the 1980's, and the builders were clearing the land, this one particular stone could not be moved. Try as they might, no man or machine could dig up or break the stone. Naturally, they decided this must be because the stone was a God and a Temple was promptly constructed around the stone. The stone is now regularly worshipped.
Another story tells that the Stone God stops the 'Dirty Things' escaping from the nearby lake.
Ruskin on Women
John Ruskin on “pure womanhood”; - “enduringly, incorruptibly good, instinctively, infallibly wise – wise, not for self-development, but for self-renunciation.”
Friday, 29 May 2009
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Shangri-La
The journey to Shangri-La was punctuated with toilet breaks at Jade Warehouses out in the middle of nowhere. They would be ushered round the warehouse and encouraged to buy trinkets by beautiful, smiling young girls. Walter had never been fond of precious stones but now he was coming to hate them.
At each Jade Warehouse there was a dirty, crowded public toilet. For days as they journeyed to Shangri-La this was the only opportunity to go to the toilet. If you wanted a shit you had to squat in the communal shitter, which was simply several holes in the ground in a row. Walter always made sure he did his shit in the hotel before they left in the morning. Of course he would still need to pee when they stopped. As Walter was the only westerner on the bus and this was a very remote part of China where people had hardy ever seen a westerner, whenever he went to the toilet he would find that every guy would stare at his dick. They were totally shameless about it, literally leaning right in and staring at his dick. Walter would try to shield it; shade it with his hands, but they were coming at him from all sides and angles, it was impossible to hide it totally. One or two of them even chattered amongst themselves, clearly discussing his dick size.
At each Jade Warehouse there was a dirty, crowded public toilet. For days as they journeyed to Shangri-La this was the only opportunity to go to the toilet. If you wanted a shit you had to squat in the communal shitter, which was simply several holes in the ground in a row. Walter always made sure he did his shit in the hotel before they left in the morning. Of course he would still need to pee when they stopped. As Walter was the only westerner on the bus and this was a very remote part of China where people had hardy ever seen a westerner, whenever he went to the toilet he would find that every guy would stare at his dick. They were totally shameless about it, literally leaning right in and staring at his dick. Walter would try to shield it; shade it with his hands, but they were coming at him from all sides and angles, it was impossible to hide it totally. One or two of them even chattered amongst themselves, clearly discussing his dick size.
Saturday, 23 May 2009
Friday, 22 May 2009
Digging
He who seeks to approach his own buried past must conduct himself like a man digging.... He must not be afraid to return again and again to the same matter; to scatter it as one scatters earth, to turn it over as one turns over soil. For the matter itself is only a deposit, a stratum, which yields only to the most meticulous examination what constitutes the real treasure hidden within the earth: the images, severed from all earlier associations, that stand—like precious fragments or torsos in a collector's gallery—in the prosaic rooms of our later understanding - WB
House
We have long forgotten the ritual by which the house of our life was erected. But when it is under assault and enemy bombs are already taking their toll, what enervated, perverse antiquities do they not lay bare in the foundations - WB
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
The Public
It is precisely the purpose of the public opinion generated by the press to make the public incapable of judging, to insinuate into it the attitude of someone irresponsible, uninformed - WB
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Boredom
Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. A rustling in the leaves drives him away - WB
Monday, 18 May 2009
Thornton's City Varieties
Charles Thornton hsd opened Leeds' first shopping arcade. Thornton's City Varieties in Leeds was built in 1865 as an extension of his pub, the White Swan.
Some of the acts that appeared there were;
Harry Houdini, who was paid £150 for a weeks engagement, an astronomical sum for the time.
Roscoe’s performing pigs, which at £10 were rated as “extra good.”
Some of the acts that appeared there were;
Harry Houdini, who was paid £150 for a weeks engagement, an astronomical sum for the time.
Roscoe’s performing pigs, which at £10 were rated as “extra good.”
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Having something to eat
Taking food alone tends to make one hard and coarse. Those accustomed to it must lead a Spartan life if they are not to go downhill. Hermits have observed, if for only this reason, a frugal diet. For it is only in company that eating is done justice; food must be divided and distributed if it is to be well received - WB
Friday, 15 May 2009
Lillie Langtry
Charles Thornton, of Thornton's Arcade in Leeds also established City Varieties Music Hall. In the 1890’s Lillie Langtry appeared at the Varieties. Edward VII would discretely pay visits, occupying Box D, to the right of the stage. After the performance he and Miss Langtry would disappear off to Harewood House.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Thornton's Arcade and City Varieties Music Hall
Thornton's City Varieties in Leeds was built in 1865 as an extension of his pub, the White Swan. Thornton had seen Mr and Mrs Stephens' performing gorillas elsewhere and decided that that was exactly the business he should be in.
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Vest
He who observes etiquette but objects to lying is like someone who dresses fashionably but wears no vest.
- Benjamin 1928
- Benjamin 1928
Monday, 11 May 2009
Into the Rip - Presenting; The News
Radio 1 News. Monday 11 May, 3029. 7.32am
The 9th Walter Benjamin clone has declared that his payment of $40 million to the 6th Walter Benjamin clone for book plaza services was above board, and denies any wrongdoing, despite the illegality of payments to self clones. Gentleman Brother Benjamin Plaza Services have refused to give any information on the matter and also deny treating a small kitchen cabinet for Benjamin No.3.
The water war in the Schiff valley in North Pakistan continues. Minister President Haze Giuliani has assured us that warlike elements will be eliminated.
An estimated 13.2 million Europeans currently have Alzheimer's disease. The number of people with Alzheimer has tripled during the last 15 years although the general EU Fed population has only increased during the same period by 5%.
A former American soldier has been found guilty of raping 24 little girls in the Pepsi Sphere over a period of one year. Condemnation: 24 years 24 days. He web logged this afternoon that he is “very upset”.
Renewed questions for the Unusual Christian. Official Wristwatch Dog has informed the Christian that he still wants to be his protégée. The frail dog, currently living at the National Quay Office, is asking for the 27th time. The Unusual Christian is once again accused of being callous.
The Zekerder machine was seen over Madagascar briefly today. Travel Annotation Grand Bretagne has confirmed that 35 Pedestrians are aboard but have given no clue as to where they are headed.
The 9th Walter Benjamin clone has declared that his payment of $40 million to the 6th Walter Benjamin clone for book plaza services was above board, and denies any wrongdoing, despite the illegality of payments to self clones. Gentleman Brother Benjamin Plaza Services have refused to give any information on the matter and also deny treating a small kitchen cabinet for Benjamin No.3.
The water war in the Schiff valley in North Pakistan continues. Minister President Haze Giuliani has assured us that warlike elements will be eliminated.
An estimated 13.2 million Europeans currently have Alzheimer's disease. The number of people with Alzheimer has tripled during the last 15 years although the general EU Fed population has only increased during the same period by 5%.
A former American soldier has been found guilty of raping 24 little girls in the Pepsi Sphere over a period of one year. Condemnation: 24 years 24 days. He web logged this afternoon that he is “very upset”.
Renewed questions for the Unusual Christian. Official Wristwatch Dog has informed the Christian that he still wants to be his protégée. The frail dog, currently living at the National Quay Office, is asking for the 27th time. The Unusual Christian is once again accused of being callous.
The Zekerder machine was seen over Madagascar briefly today. Travel Annotation Grand Bretagne has confirmed that 35 Pedestrians are aboard but have given no clue as to where they are headed.
Sunday, 10 May 2009
The Keighley Arcades Project
A Google Images search for Keighley Arcades takes you to a weird University Language Centre blog with very few pictures of actual Keighley Arcades
http://universitylanguagecentre.blogspot.com/
The Bradford Arcades Project
Near to Leeds is the town of Bradford. Its shopping arcades are long gone, but they were once magnificent
Walter's Poems for L
Come, my Queenie
"Sound, music! Come, my Queen, take hands with me,
And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be."
"Sound, music! Come, my Queen, take hands with me,
And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be."
Walter's Poems for L
I looked and looked at her, and I knew, as clearly as I know that I will die, that I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth. She could fade and wither - I didn't care. I would still go mad with tenderness at the mere sight of her face.”
Walter's Poems for L
Whenever I DayDream,
I nearly always find myself,
Somewhere in Venice,
With You,
And I'm happy.
I nearly always find myself,
Somewhere in Venice,
With You,
And I'm happy.
Walter's Poems for L
I’ll protect you from The Hooded-Claw,
Keep the Vampire’s from your door.
In a post-apocalyptic dystopian future,
Your welfare would be my primary care.
And should Zombies take over the world
I’d take care of you.
Keep the Vampire’s from your door.
In a post-apocalyptic dystopian future,
Your welfare would be my primary care.
And should Zombies take over the world
I’d take care of you.
Walter's Poems for L
FROM THE BOOK OF SONGS
I went out at the east gate,
Where the girls were like clouds.
Although they are like clouds,
It is not on them that my thoughts rest.
She in the thin white silk,
and the grey coiffure,
-- She is my joy !
I went out by the tower on the covering wall,
Where the girls were like flowering rushes.
Although they are like flowering rushes,
It is not of them that I think.
She in the thin white silk,
and the madder coat,
-- It is she that makes me happy !
I went out at the east gate,
Where the girls were like clouds.
Although they are like clouds,
It is not on them that my thoughts rest.
She in the thin white silk,
and the grey coiffure,
-- She is my joy !
I went out by the tower on the covering wall,
Where the girls were like flowering rushes.
Although they are like flowering rushes,
It is not of them that I think.
She in the thin white silk,
and the madder coat,
-- It is she that makes me happy !
Walter's Poems for L
I didnt notice the beauty of your soul at first.
I had to see you smile.
Now everytime you smile
I fall a little deeper.
---------------------
Everytime you smile
i die of tenderness
the world lights up
my heart reaches out
I had to see you smile.
Now everytime you smile
I fall a little deeper.
---------------------
Everytime you smile
i die of tenderness
the world lights up
my heart reaches out
The Stones of Venice
One of those moments when you are surprized and delighted by somebody. Having read Ruskin's 'The Stones of Venice' some months before travelling to Venice, i was keen to look at some of the buildings he mentions. In The Ducal Palace we found the book, 'Ruskins Venice' by Sarah Quill, which effectively acts as a guide book to the buildings of Venice which Ruskin admired.
L bought the book for me as a birthday present but surprized and delighted me by getting more captivated by the book than me. I had never imagined that anyone else would share my desire to wander around Venice looking at the buildings and trying to come to grips with Ruskin's opinions. L became even more obsessed with doing so than me and we spent many happy hours wandering the streets, book in hand. Sometimes in the evening we almost had to fight over the book as both of us wanted to read about the places we had seen that day.
Her interest and enthusiasm for the stones of Venice completely charmed me and made me love her more than i did already.
Lomay's Love Poem
Perhaps in my mothers mind, he possibly is not the best candidate,
but in my heart,
he is.
I am moved by him,
perhaps am been in love flush
am muddleheaded
but some feeling under, is the rationality.
Has pulled the hand,
has traded,
first time had this kind assuredly.
“arrives finally, can in the together person,
only have the person which that
can make you to smile."
I am not beautiful,
he am not graceful,
but we may let opposite party
smile,
is not straightens artificially, is the oneself
also very much picture enjoys opposite party
accompanying.
but in my heart,
he is.
I am moved by him,
perhaps am been in love flush
am muddleheaded
but some feeling under, is the rationality.
Has pulled the hand,
has traded,
first time had this kind assuredly.
“arrives finally, can in the together person,
only have the person which that
can make you to smile."
I am not beautiful,
he am not graceful,
but we may let opposite party
smile,
is not straightens artificially, is the oneself
also very much picture enjoys opposite party
accompanying.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Anti - Gravity Suits
Recently declassified government papers have shown that the UK Government has, amongst the many weapons they've sold abroad, sold Anti - Gravity Suits to India.
Recently declassified government papers have shown that the UK Government has, amongst the many weapons they've sold abroad, sold Anti - Gravity Suits to India.
From Walter's Journal, 2008
A NASTY STORY
And then one week, suddenly everything changed. L had always been flirty but suddenly she was more so, it was as if she’d discovered ecstasy or sex or something. I heard a story about something that had happened in The Venue nightclub, where apparently she’d been dancing all night, real sexy and letting guys rub up against her and all that; caused a bit of a scene. The story went, that the night ended with L writhing on the dance floor simulating sex with a long line of guys. She’d been snogging anyone and everyone, they’d actually been lining up to snog her, laughing about it as they stood in line. Ended up where she had her skirt hitched up and they were all fingering her through her pants.
Later that week at a house party L was wearing an incredibly short skirt, high heels, beautiful, just beautiful.
The party was nothing special, just a bunch of people standing around in rooms and hallways. She was drinking but there was no sign of her going crazy again. She was flirting with a lot of different guys, and whenever I caught sight of her she was usually draped around some guy’s shoulders.
Later she was standing on her own by the door with no one talking to her. She was looking around a bit twitchy, nervous somehow.
Suddenly she says, “Anyone want to fuck me?” This is in the middle of a kitchen, packed with guys. Pretty much everyone looks round, amazed. L; “Seriously, I really need a fuck. Come on, who wants to?” Everyone there is pretty embarrassed and looks at each other not really knowing what to do. Silence. Eventually a couple of Pakistani guys who’ve crashed the party say they’ll have a go; “Yeah, go on”, and she leads them both by the hand out into the garden. It’s dark outside so they become only vague shapes. Most people leave the kitchen, embarrassed to hang around.
The garden door is open, I stared out into the darkness…….
Later they come back in, laughing, L disappears to the toilet, I stand by as one of the guys calls a firend, “Yeah, for real, come on over. .. Yeah, bring them too, she’ll do you all, shit man, Yeah ..Yeah fuck, ha, fuckin unbelievable, Yeah……..yeah get over here, come on...that’s right, Fuck yeah…”
And then one week, suddenly everything changed. L had always been flirty but suddenly she was more so, it was as if she’d discovered ecstasy or sex or something. I heard a story about something that had happened in The Venue nightclub, where apparently she’d been dancing all night, real sexy and letting guys rub up against her and all that; caused a bit of a scene. The story went, that the night ended with L writhing on the dance floor simulating sex with a long line of guys. She’d been snogging anyone and everyone, they’d actually been lining up to snog her, laughing about it as they stood in line. Ended up where she had her skirt hitched up and they were all fingering her through her pants.
Later that week at a house party L was wearing an incredibly short skirt, high heels, beautiful, just beautiful.
The party was nothing special, just a bunch of people standing around in rooms and hallways. She was drinking but there was no sign of her going crazy again. She was flirting with a lot of different guys, and whenever I caught sight of her she was usually draped around some guy’s shoulders.
Later she was standing on her own by the door with no one talking to her. She was looking around a bit twitchy, nervous somehow.
Suddenly she says, “Anyone want to fuck me?” This is in the middle of a kitchen, packed with guys. Pretty much everyone looks round, amazed. L; “Seriously, I really need a fuck. Come on, who wants to?” Everyone there is pretty embarrassed and looks at each other not really knowing what to do. Silence. Eventually a couple of Pakistani guys who’ve crashed the party say they’ll have a go; “Yeah, go on”, and she leads them both by the hand out into the garden. It’s dark outside so they become only vague shapes. Most people leave the kitchen, embarrassed to hang around.
The garden door is open, I stared out into the darkness…….
Later they come back in, laughing, L disappears to the toilet, I stand by as one of the guys calls a firend, “Yeah, for real, come on over. .. Yeah, bring them too, she’ll do you all, shit man, Yeah ..Yeah fuck, ha, fuckin unbelievable, Yeah……..yeah get over here, come on...that’s right, Fuck yeah…”
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Ming Dynasty Court Rules
In the Ming Dynasty of China, those at court were governed by strict rules of conduct. Books of Merits and Demerits were published, which provided a scale by which one could measure ones own misbehaviour. Here is an excerpt (the numbers give a scale of debauchery):-
Exciting lustful thoughts in oneself:- 10
Showing one’s nakedness when easing nature in the night:- 1
Lewd dreams :- 1
If such a dream occasions a lewd action:- 5
Singing frivolous songs :- 2
Study frivolous songs :- 20
Not yielding the way to a woman in the street:- 1
If at the same time one looks at the woman :- 2
If one looks longingly at her :- 5
If one conceives lewd thoughts about her:- 10
Entering one’s woman’s quarters without warning:- 1
Telling one’s women about some love affair :- 10
If done with intent to excite lustful thoughts in them:- 20
Telling smutty stories in order to excite them :- 20
Exception: If one tells such stories in order
To develop the women’s sense of shame :- None
In the Ming Dynasty of China, those at court were governed by strict rules of conduct. Books of Merits and Demerits were published, which provided a scale by which one could measure ones own misbehaviour. Here is an excerpt (the numbers give a scale of debauchery):-
Exciting lustful thoughts in oneself:- 10
Showing one’s nakedness when easing nature in the night:- 1
Lewd dreams :- 1
If such a dream occasions a lewd action:- 5
Singing frivolous songs :- 2
Study frivolous songs :- 20
Not yielding the way to a woman in the street:- 1
If at the same time one looks at the woman :- 2
If one looks longingly at her :- 5
If one conceives lewd thoughts about her:- 10
Entering one’s woman’s quarters without warning:- 1
Telling one’s women about some love affair :- 10
If done with intent to excite lustful thoughts in them:- 20
Telling smutty stories in order to excite them :- 20
Exception: If one tells such stories in order
To develop the women’s sense of shame :- None
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Tang Dynasty Sex Manuals
During the Tang Dynasty it was quite normal for parents to slip a newly married daughter a sex manual. Sex manuals were illustrated with pictures of various possibilities and demonstrated the Chinese art of inventing delightful names. Some of the techniques described were:-
'Kingfisher Union'; 'Fluttering Butterflies'; 'Phoenix Sporting in the Cinnabar Crevice' and 'Hounds of the Ninth Day of Autumn'.
During the Tang Dynasty it was quite normal for parents to slip a newly married daughter a sex manual. Sex manuals were illustrated with pictures of various possibilities and demonstrated the Chinese art of inventing delightful names. Some of the techniques described were:-
'Kingfisher Union'; 'Fluttering Butterflies'; 'Phoenix Sporting in the Cinnabar Crevice' and 'Hounds of the Ninth Day of Autumn'.
Friday, 8 May 2009
From Walter's Journal, 2008
An 11 year old Chinese schoolgirl was beaten with a metal reinforcement bar in front of her class by her history teacher before he threw her out the window of her fourth-story classroom. She died.
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Han Dynasty Female Rivalry
Again, during the Han Dynasty, when the Emperor Gaozu died, his jealous Empress, Lady Lu, set about eliminating all those who had been her rivals. She used methods which might seem a little harsh today. For example, she cut off the hands and feet of her main rival, she then gouged out her eyes, burned her ears, gave her a potion which made her dumb, then threw her into the toilet pit and brought visitors to see the "human pig" that was to spend the rest of its life living in her toilet.
Again, during the Han Dynasty, when the Emperor Gaozu died, his jealous Empress, Lady Lu, set about eliminating all those who had been her rivals. She used methods which might seem a little harsh today. For example, she cut off the hands and feet of her main rival, she then gouged out her eyes, burned her ears, gave her a potion which made her dumb, then threw her into the toilet pit and brought visitors to see the "human pig" that was to spend the rest of its life living in her toilet.
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Chinese Five Standard Punishments
Back in the days of the Han Dynasty of China there was a scale of five standard punishments for breaking the law. In order of severity:-
Branding of the Forehead
Cutting off the Nose
Cutting off the Feet
Castration
Death
Its difficult to believe that after losing your nose and feet you'd be in much of a position to go on committing more crimes.
Back in the days of the Han Dynasty of China there was a scale of five standard punishments for breaking the law. In order of severity:-
Branding of the Forehead
Cutting off the Nose
Cutting off the Feet
Castration
Death
Its difficult to believe that after losing your nose and feet you'd be in much of a position to go on committing more crimes.
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Napoleon's Penis
When Napoleon died in exile on the island of St. Helena in 1821, his doctor surreptitiously took his penis during the autopsy and gave it to a priest, who smuggled it to Corsica. The priest was killed in a bizarre blood vendetta, but passed it along to his family. They kept it until 1916, when a British collector got hold of it.
The penis has taken on quite a mythic status. It is kept in a little leather presentation box, and it has been dried out in the air. It hadn't been put in formaldehyde so it is rather the worse for wear.
The French government was given the opportunity to buy the penis. France not only wouldn't purchase it, the government wouldn't even admit its existence. "They didn't touch the penis. They wouldn't have anything to do with the penis."
Dr. John Lattimer possessed Abraham Lincoln's bloodstained collar and a treasure trove of items from his own idiosyncratic relationships to some of the most important historical events of the 20th century. He was an attending urologist to Nazi prisoners at the Nuremberg trials and had acquired Herman Goering's suicide vial. He worked on the autopsy of John F. Kennedy and possessed upholstery from the president's limousine in Dallas.
Lattimer bought Napoleon's penis to take it out of circulation: "He thought that fun was being poked at it, that it was an object of derision." Lattimer put it in a briefcase and stored it under his bed at his home in New Jersey. He refused inquiries from people who wanted to see the penis.
It was however said to be "like a little baby's finger."
When Napoleon died in exile on the island of St. Helena in 1821, his doctor surreptitiously took his penis during the autopsy and gave it to a priest, who smuggled it to Corsica. The priest was killed in a bizarre blood vendetta, but passed it along to his family. They kept it until 1916, when a British collector got hold of it.
The penis has taken on quite a mythic status. It is kept in a little leather presentation box, and it has been dried out in the air. It hadn't been put in formaldehyde so it is rather the worse for wear.
The French government was given the opportunity to buy the penis. France not only wouldn't purchase it, the government wouldn't even admit its existence. "They didn't touch the penis. They wouldn't have anything to do with the penis."
Dr. John Lattimer possessed Abraham Lincoln's bloodstained collar and a treasure trove of items from his own idiosyncratic relationships to some of the most important historical events of the 20th century. He was an attending urologist to Nazi prisoners at the Nuremberg trials and had acquired Herman Goering's suicide vial. He worked on the autopsy of John F. Kennedy and possessed upholstery from the president's limousine in Dallas.
Lattimer bought Napoleon's penis to take it out of circulation: "He thought that fun was being poked at it, that it was an object of derision." Lattimer put it in a briefcase and stored it under his bed at his home in New Jersey. He refused inquiries from people who wanted to see the penis.
It was however said to be "like a little baby's finger."
From Walter's Journal, 2008
The Rapture
A Web site is offering devout Christians a mode of communication from the beyond — by letting them e-mail unbelievers when the second coming takes place.
YouveBeenLeftBehind.com promises “one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ” by sending them a series of e-mails and documents if the rapture should occur.
For an annual fee of US$40, customers can send messages to their loved ones to convince them to believe in God. The site suggests preparing messages that would prove useful to those who remain on earth, which are then fired off when the second coming of Jesus happens.
The Web site says the event would mean that “there will be a small window of time where they [non-believers] might be reached for the kingdom of God.”
The Web site, based in Massachusetts, is run by a team of Christians who must log on every day to indicate that the rapture has not yet taken place. If enough of them fail to log in, the system assumes that the second coming is nigh and sends out messages from all its subscribers.
“The people on my team are Christians who expect to be raptured,” said Mark Heard, the site’s creator. “They must continually log in to the system. The team is spread out as far apart in the US as is possible to prevent against more than one member being taken out by, attack, natural disaster, or epidemic.”
A Web site is offering devout Christians a mode of communication from the beyond — by letting them e-mail unbelievers when the second coming takes place.
YouveBeenLeftBehind.com promises “one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ” by sending them a series of e-mails and documents if the rapture should occur.
For an annual fee of US$40, customers can send messages to their loved ones to convince them to believe in God. The site suggests preparing messages that would prove useful to those who remain on earth, which are then fired off when the second coming of Jesus happens.
The Web site says the event would mean that “there will be a small window of time where they [non-believers] might be reached for the kingdom of God.”
The Web site, based in Massachusetts, is run by a team of Christians who must log on every day to indicate that the rapture has not yet taken place. If enough of them fail to log in, the system assumes that the second coming is nigh and sends out messages from all its subscribers.
“The people on my team are Christians who expect to be raptured,” said Mark Heard, the site’s creator. “They must continually log in to the system. The team is spread out as far apart in the US as is possible to prevent against more than one member being taken out by, attack, natural disaster, or epidemic.”
Thursday, 7 May 2009
From Walter's Taiwan journal
In Taiwan there is a campaign to try to prevent the police from using suspects as ironing boards and ashtrays.
Pub Quiz with Walter and Gershom
Walter and Gershom Scholem, whilst at the University of Muri, used to run the pub quiz at the student bar. Adopting pseudonyms since the material was a little close to the edge, they called themsleves Mick and Rich. Here is an account of how that went:-
Continued........
ME: “Rich. Rich. Don’t do it man. Come on, lets go back inside and do some nice questions. Come on, there’s no need to kill anything, we’re here to Quiz man, Lets Quiz.”
Rich looks like he’s coming round. He seems to be calming down.
ME: “Come on, there you go. Lets go back into the pub and ask a few nice questions. Nobody has to die. It’s a quiz, not a bloodbath. Lets go back in there and Quiz.
Come on, Lets quiz.
Come on, let me hear you say it; “Lets Quiz”. Come on, say it “Lets Quiz.””
Rich looks up, he’s calmed down and now seems a little lost.
ME: “LETS QUIZ! Man.” (loudly)
RICH: “lets quiz” ( quietly)
ME: “Cool. Good man. Now lets go in there, calm things down and do a few nice questions. I know you can do it mate.”
Inside:-
RICH: “Er, hi everyone. Decided not to do that one after all. Er, had abit of a change of mind over Question 18, er its not going to be that shooting one, its going to be, er, something else. Sorry, about that.
So, er, Question 18 is, hmmm,er, Elton Johns ordered a bunch of flowers for himself to celebrate his 60th birthday that cost how much? And we’d like the answer in Euro’s please. So how many Euro’s did Elton Johns spend on a nice big bunch of flowers for himself?
Question 19, who said “I want to be like Ghandi, Martin Luther King and John Lennon, … but I want to stay alive”
And Question number 20: The phrase “I am bored” is searched for most in which British City? Is it
Bradford
Hull
Sheffield
Stoke
And back to Mr Allhouse."
ME: Its time for the last two questions and lets bring things to a close with everybody’s favourite round, The 'Not the Telephone Sex Line' Round. So, I’m going to read out the names of 4 Telephone Sex Lines, one of which is false. One of them was made up by us. Which is it?
So Question 21, Which of the following is Not the Telephone Sex Line, is it?
Land of Rape and Honeyz
Rubbing Cock
Gay Dog
Listen to me as I ram and 18 inch dildo up both my mother-in-law’s holes"
The room goes silent. One or two jaws drop. A group of middle aged women who had been laughing until a few moments ago, are now shocked into silence. A few people, young people even, are shaking their heads. Someone mutters “gone too far”
At one table a young guy turns to his mate; “I’da rather seen them shoot some ducks than put that image in my head”.
Continued........
ME: “Rich. Rich. Don’t do it man. Come on, lets go back inside and do some nice questions. Come on, there’s no need to kill anything, we’re here to Quiz man, Lets Quiz.”
Rich looks like he’s coming round. He seems to be calming down.
ME: “Come on, there you go. Lets go back into the pub and ask a few nice questions. Nobody has to die. It’s a quiz, not a bloodbath. Lets go back in there and Quiz.
Come on, Lets quiz.
Come on, let me hear you say it; “Lets Quiz”. Come on, say it “Lets Quiz.””
Rich looks up, he’s calmed down and now seems a little lost.
ME: “LETS QUIZ! Man.” (loudly)
RICH: “lets quiz” ( quietly)
ME: “Cool. Good man. Now lets go in there, calm things down and do a few nice questions. I know you can do it mate.”
Inside:-
RICH: “Er, hi everyone. Decided not to do that one after all. Er, had abit of a change of mind over Question 18, er its not going to be that shooting one, its going to be, er, something else. Sorry, about that.
So, er, Question 18 is, hmmm,er, Elton Johns ordered a bunch of flowers for himself to celebrate his 60th birthday that cost how much? And we’d like the answer in Euro’s please. So how many Euro’s did Elton Johns spend on a nice big bunch of flowers for himself?
Question 19, who said “I want to be like Ghandi, Martin Luther King and John Lennon, … but I want to stay alive”
And Question number 20: The phrase “I am bored” is searched for most in which British City? Is it
Bradford
Hull
Sheffield
Stoke
And back to Mr Allhouse."
ME: Its time for the last two questions and lets bring things to a close with everybody’s favourite round, The 'Not the Telephone Sex Line' Round. So, I’m going to read out the names of 4 Telephone Sex Lines, one of which is false. One of them was made up by us. Which is it?
So Question 21, Which of the following is Not the Telephone Sex Line, is it?
Land of Rape and Honeyz
Rubbing Cock
Gay Dog
Listen to me as I ram and 18 inch dildo up both my mother-in-law’s holes"
The room goes silent. One or two jaws drop. A group of middle aged women who had been laughing until a few moments ago, are now shocked into silence. A few people, young people even, are shaking their heads. Someone mutters “gone too far”
At one table a young guy turns to his mate; “I’da rather seen them shoot some ducks than put that image in my head”.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Girl Cheese
A French fromagerie in the Ardennes is offering people the chance to buy cheese made from women's breast milk. Cosma fromagerie claims that Le Petit Singly is made to a traditional recipe, and has proven regenerative effects
A French fromagerie in the Ardennes is offering people the chance to buy cheese made from women's breast milk. Cosma fromagerie claims that Le Petit Singly is made to a traditional recipe, and has proven regenerative effects
From Walter's Taiwan journal
The word Cameltoe generally refers to a visible cleft between a woman’s labia, as between a real camel's toes.
The first time I ever heard of Cameltoe was watching the TV show,'Paul Merton in China', where the comedian travelled around China. There was a segment where he met expats who run a hash (running club) in Guangzhou. No big deal, except he noticed that most of the women running the hash were Chinese, and it was universally acknowledged they were there to find a (foreign) man with a fat wallet.
At the end of the hash, there was a round of ‘traditional’ games, mainly drinking out of trainers and those containers used for bedridden patients to pee in. Then, they said all the (Chinese) women had to compete to see who could produce the best cameltoe. This basically involved them pulling their running pants as tightly as they could between their legs to show their cameltoe.
I was astounded that the women were so willing to take part (although Paul’s Female Chinese Interpreter was outraged) and that, basically, the men had suggested such a thing. Most of these men were American and the idea had seemed to originate with them. Basically all of these guys were total dicks and the only conclusion one could draw was that they go to China to get their egos inflated by women desperate to get out of poverty. This program really astounded me, the women involved seemed nice, and were quite intelligent as far as I could see.
This experience left me scarred, so much so that, when I first went to Taiwan, when I was invited to an American led running group, I got so scared that it might involve Cameltoe games that I invented a lame excuse to try to get out of it. I had really wanted to do some running, but the idea that I might find myself in a scenario where women were standing around displaying their Cameltoes while some American guy judged whose was best, filled me with horror.
The first time I ever heard of Cameltoe was watching the TV show,'Paul Merton in China', where the comedian travelled around China. There was a segment where he met expats who run a hash (running club) in Guangzhou. No big deal, except he noticed that most of the women running the hash were Chinese, and it was universally acknowledged they were there to find a (foreign) man with a fat wallet.
At the end of the hash, there was a round of ‘traditional’ games, mainly drinking out of trainers and those containers used for bedridden patients to pee in. Then, they said all the (Chinese) women had to compete to see who could produce the best cameltoe. This basically involved them pulling their running pants as tightly as they could between their legs to show their cameltoe.
I was astounded that the women were so willing to take part (although Paul’s Female Chinese Interpreter was outraged) and that, basically, the men had suggested such a thing. Most of these men were American and the idea had seemed to originate with them. Basically all of these guys were total dicks and the only conclusion one could draw was that they go to China to get their egos inflated by women desperate to get out of poverty. This program really astounded me, the women involved seemed nice, and were quite intelligent as far as I could see.
This experience left me scarred, so much so that, when I first went to Taiwan, when I was invited to an American led running group, I got so scared that it might involve Cameltoe games that I invented a lame excuse to try to get out of it. I had really wanted to do some running, but the idea that I might find myself in a scenario where women were standing around displaying their Cameltoes while some American guy judged whose was best, filled me with horror.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
From Walter's Journal, 2008
Council Zombie Killers
In the news today:-
In February a Zombie Killer was brought in to investigate a reported zombie in underground tunnels at an Eastbourne sewage plant.
"It's not funny going to work and worrying that a zombie might be around the corner" said one plant worker.
The Zombie Killer (or Psychic Investigator ) was paid for by the local council, out of taxpayers money.
We do not know if they were successful.
In the news today:-
In February a Zombie Killer was brought in to investigate a reported zombie in underground tunnels at an Eastbourne sewage plant.
"It's not funny going to work and worrying that a zombie might be around the corner" said one plant worker.
The Zombie Killer (or Psychic Investigator ) was paid for by the local council, out of taxpayers money.
We do not know if they were successful.
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